jughead jones. some things.

flwrpotts:

age 7.

hair that always stands up in the back. knobby knees, knobby elbows, knobby wrists. missing his front two teeth. chuck clayton makes fun of him for it. archie says he thinks it’s cool. wants to stay inside for recess. jeans that have holes in the knees. jellybean is small and red and screams all night long. mom says it’s an ear infection. dad says he needs some fuckin’ peace and quiet. jughead is good at quiet. betty gives him her old books, a new one every week. he reads them in the dark with a dying flashlight. plays peekaboo with the baby for hours. draws houses during free draw and shrugs when reggie mantle asks why. betty says that you have to write down a list for santa and then if you’re good he’ll bring you gifts. jughead asks for jellybean to sleep through the night and pants that don’t stop too short. doesn’t get either. wonders why.

age 9.

dad smells like something sharp and laughs too loud. he’s home when jughead leaves for school and gone all night. but they still go to the drive in every saturday and get an extra large popcorn. jellybean cries less and bites things more. always hungry. the kind of hunger that keeps him up at night and gnaws at his stomach, aches inside his bones. he gets one peanut butter sandwich for lunch. watches as archie eats fruit roll ups and granola bars and apple sauce. winter jacket that doesn’t fit. betty gets him a library card for christmas. archie gets him a hat and mittens and gloves. says i wanted to get you the new transformer, but mom said this would be better. collects the cool rocks he finds on the playground and keeps them in a shoebox. makes funny faces so jellybean will laugh. sleeps over archie’s and counts the glow in the dark stars.

age 11.

mom says she’s tired. mom looks through him like he’s a ghost. mom forgets the pasta on the stove until the pot bubbles over. it sucks. wears the beanie to hide his bathroom sink haircut. jason blossom and chuck throw his backpack in a dumpster. archie helps him dig it out after school. learns what the word shame means. hangs his own report card up on the fridge. cuts j.b’s peanut butter sandwiches into stars and hearts. sings along with mr. andrew’s old beatles records. mom and dad fight all the time. archie says his parents fight, too, but it’s different. cheryl blossom tells the whole cafeteria that his shirt used to belong to jason and came from the thrift store. betty tells cheryl to shut up and has to stay after school for a parent-teacher meeting. tosses her ponytail afterwards and tells him it was worth it. the andrews invite him over for dinner a lot. he asks if jellybean can come, too, before learning better.

age 13.

archie’s mom leaves for chicago. he wishes his dad would leave for chicago. jellybean wants to be called j.b and a new barbie lunchbox. writes stuff down when he can’t sleep. betty says he has a gift and archie says that’s really cool, jug. archie is one of the popular kids now. betty is, too. he wonders when they’ll stop being friends with him. white sneakers turned brown from trailer park dust. hands cracked red with cold. bruises under the eyes. listens to nirvana. learns how to fight back with words. cooks kraft mac and cheese for dinner. doesn’t go to the seventh grade dance. couldn’t afford the button down, anyways. takes j.b to the drive-in when their parents fight. likes the old movies best. the old librarian passes away. the new one sneers and tells him that trailer trash isn’t allowed to loiter on the premises. he doesn’t tell a soul. chews on the end of his pencil. dreams four nights in a row that he asked betty to the dance.

age 15.

f.p is a goddamned trainwreck. mom fucked off to toledo and took jellybean with her. sleeps in the drive-in and plays the good memories like movies behind his eyelids. still wears the beanie. eats cold cans of soup. helps betty with her murder board, because jason blossom is dead and there’s something different about riverdale. writes letters to j.b that never get sent. swallows bile when he sees archie and grundy. swallows butterflies when betty cooper smiles at him. makes a home out of a supply closet. writes and writes and writes down all the chaos in his head. drinks endless cups of black coffee at pop’s. unravels a mystery. befriends veronica lodge. that denim lined jacket he bought for six bucks at goodwill is fashionable, now. the beanie is not. kisses betty cooper’s scarred hands with his heart in his throat and so much feeling he doesn’t think he can stand it.

age 17.

leather jacket at the very back of the closet. a couple new scars, and a couple new tattoos. betty kisses all of them. j.b facetimes every night. f.p gets sober. manuscript in the bottom drawer of the desk, written on a typewriter. bartending shifts at the whyte wyrm. looks in the mirror and thinks, i am not a hopeless case. spends hours writing while archie plucks at his guitar. hickey under the collar of his shirt. pack of cigs in his pocket. smirk on his face. helps betty throw ronnie a surprise birthday party. still rides the motorcycle. still wakes up gasping from nightmares of snake tattoos and blonde hair and god, so much blood. still wears the beanie. drinks more milkshakes than he does black coffee. does things with his tongue that make betty gasp. the red and gold wins a prize for high school journalism. nyu acceptance letter on the fridge. the future- spread out bright and gaping and wide before him.